I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
