he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
