I accidentally had phone sex last night
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I need water and some morals
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
