I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
