Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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