I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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