she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
