I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
