He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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