I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I need to stop coming to work sober
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
