You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
