Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
