I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
