if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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