you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
