wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
