Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
