I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
