i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
