i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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