I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
