I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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