Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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