And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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