Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
