Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
