Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
