my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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