And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
