i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
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