I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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