sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
