week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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