I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize