My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
