in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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