I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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