That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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