I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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