Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
