i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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