Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
