come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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