just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
