i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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