He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
