I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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