plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My life is pants optional.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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