i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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