Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
