just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
