Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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