I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
it glows. i had to have it.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
