just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
