i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
