So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
