Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
