you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
