4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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