I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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