Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
it was like eating out sand paper
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
