discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
