I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
