i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
