Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize