marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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