You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
