My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Boobs are out for the taking
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
