he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
