im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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