a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
