spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize