somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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