Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
