but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I puked a lego.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
