I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
